So last night… was a night of tears.
I don’t know where it came from, but I was sitting on my couch, and I started sobbing. Luckily, Dad wasn’t here to witness the ugly face of snotty nose, tears flowing down my face, chick-flick ugly crying. But yes, I had another moment of uncontrollable sobbing.
As the tears continued, I climbed in my bed, and thought to myself “Why the hell am I crying for?” Then the thoughts flooded my mind. Is it because of my health, is it because of my shopping addiction, is it because I have so many goals and I feel stuck because nothing is happening yet? GOD, WHY AM I FEELING THIS WAY???
Then, I finished, and whispered “Thank you Lord for listening to me.” I guess when we cry, even if we don’t saying anything, we’re still able to communicate to God. Even though I was crying like a crybaby, and the same negative thoughts were reoccurring in my mind, I smiled because I knew that I wasn’t alone and that He was listening to me.
But, this also made realize that I need to work on praying. When it comes to Quiet Time, I’ve improved on starting off the meditation in prayer, but for the rest of the week, month, even throughout the year, I forget to continue praying. I guess that’s why those negative thoughts keep coming back, because I don’t take time to pray to God every day, and every night. Like it says in Psalm 1:2:
“But his delight is in the law of the LORD, And in His law he meditates day and night.”
Psalms 1:2 NASB
Even though I’m reading the Word, there’s still so much more to living a Godly life than just reading His Word. It’s about praying, it’s about seeking guidance and wisdom in your life, it’s about helping others, it’s about changing your old ways and your old mindset, and embracing new ways and a new mindset. I’ll be honest, I’ve been talking the talk, but I haven’t been walking the walk.
In order for me to help others, especially you all, my readers, I need to talk the talk AND walk the walk. I can’t do that if my faith level is at 50 % (to me, that’s like “it’s ok, but it can be better). So, I know I created the series “Road to 200,” but if it’s alright with you all, I’d like to change the name of the series to “The Journey” because I want to take you all on a journey with me, not just focusing on my overall health, but on my journey with my personal growth, and spiritual growth. I know I already blogged about these things, but I feel like they’re in their own individual categories, when the end result is that I’m on a journey with each one.
So, if you been on this journey with me for this long, I hope you stay with me on this journey until the end of 2020, and for many more years to come.
Well, today is Thursday, let’s see what the day bring us!
Until next time…