Started my morning with quiet time. Today’s Verse of the Day comes from 1 Peter 3:12.
It talked about God sees us doing right and He sees us doing wrong. It gave me something to think about, like have I really used this time of Quarantine wisely? Am I doing the right things, especially during these times? During the devotional, there’s a moment of Guided Prayer. This is the time to reflect on what I learned from the scripture.
I took time to journal and answer these questions:
Here is my journal entry from the Journey app:
Overall, I’m not doing ok.
I still get stressed about work because I’m not doing things right, when I try to ask for help, no one listens or pays enough attention to me to offer it. When I mess up, I feel like everyone is still judging me, thinking I’m a stupid, fat, lazy employee who only cares about the things she enjoys other than work. I feel like I’m still trying to be something I’m not. I don’t like the person I’ve become when I can be something better. When I try to do what is right, I continue to mess up and have multiple setbacks. I feel like God is looking at me, shaking his head because I’m not taking care of myself, I’m not thinking of others, I’m acting selfishly and spending my money unwisely. I’m constantly eating and forget to check my sugar. I’m always tired most times because I have moments of depression and it takes me a long time to get out of it.
Lord, I’m constantly thinking that I’m going to lose this job before I’m able to start pursuing my dream career. I’m afraid that I’m not strong enough or prepares enough to help others like myself that have a mental illness. I’m scared that I’m going to mess up helping Jared with his passion project. I’m scared to not think about what others think about me, I’m not a risk taker because I’m scared of failure. I feel like I’ve felt so many times, I’m stuck and don’t know which path to take or I’m choosing the right path. I constantly worry about Mom and Dad. I worry about my own life while others worry about what is happening to this country. Lord, I’m worried that I’m not making a difference in the world and I should. I’m upset because everyone has someone, and I’m going to be alone. Lord, I’m falling apart. Lord, I’m a mess…
God’s presence is changing me because He is helping me understand that it’s okay to have these feelings, but it’s important to know where to go to share these feelings. He wants me to come to Him more and learn to trust Him when these thoughts come to mind. His peace and love are calming me down, He’s helping me shed tears to let go of these feelings and the pain I feel. He keeps telling me to slow down to pay attention to Him and what He’s trying to tell me to do. He gives me rest, and watches over me as I sleep. He wakes me up so that I can get the day started off right with Him. He shows me that He loves me by helping me get through the good days and the bad days, He cares about me enough to listen to my thoughts and feelings, even if I don’t say anything. God loves me and cares about me because He sees me trying to do right, trying to be good, practicing reading the Bible and praying more. God sees that I’m trying to focus my attention on Him.
I AM A CHILD OF GOD.
I AM HIS GIRL. ❤️
So today, I’m going to be quiet and think about all this. I’m ok, this morning was off to a rocky start. A rocky start for all the right reasons. I needed to talk to Him today, and I also needed to be still and listen. I feel better, but I know I got some things to really think about.
Let me sit back and relax, and calm myself down.
Until next time…